A family (or person) that provides temporary shelter to a child during martial law in Ukraine is obliged to:

• provide care and bring up the child, take care of his/her health, mental condition, physical and spiritual development;
  
• take the child's opinion into account when making decisions about them;
• facilitate reconnection and communication with the child's parents, other official representatives or relatives;
• immediately pass the child to parents/official representatives/relatives in case of a relevant decision by the authorized institutions (children's affairs service, court);
• inform the children's affairs service about the child's condition at least once a month; in case of circumstances endangering the child’s life or health, or necessitating relocation — report immediately.
• help the child to receive medical, educational and, if necessary, rehabilitation services, which includes the organisation of the child's education in a relevant educational institution, examination by a family doctor and organisation of the child’s medical treatment, if necessary, etc.;

Shelter is provided for the period leading up to the moment when either the child is reunited with his/her family or the child is granted the status of an orphan or a child deprived of parental care. It is determined by taking into account the best interests of the child, the form of care and upbringing (adoption, guardianship, care, foster family).

The Children's Affairs Service will provide support and control over the living conditions, education and upbringing of the child. Representatives of the service can communicate with the family and the child by phone, as well as by visiting the family. The service has the right to request information about the child's condition from educators or family doctors.

The family (or person) who has temporarily sheltered a child during martial law in Ukraine receives the act of transfer of the child, a copy of the child's birth certificate and the child's medical card (if any).

The basis for the temporary stay of the child with the family (or person) is the order of the Children's Affairs Service on the temporary placement of the child.

Relatives or representatives of the host party must follow certain rules of contact while building a connection with children who have experienced a stressful situation. This will help to respect the child's boundaries and restore a sense of security. Due to the war, they may have been deprived of essentials – such as food or sleep – and some of them may have lost their loved ones.

How to establish contact with a child:

• Acquaintance
  Get down to the child's level (for example, sit down to be physically on the same level). Tell them about yourself, what you do and how you can relate to the child. Ask how you may refer to him/her. Explain how long you will be together with the child.
  
• Assessment of the child's needs
  Ask your child how he/she is feeling – maybe he/she needs something at the moment? Is he/she hungry/thirsty or does he/she need to go to the toilet? Are they cold? Maybe they are sick and need treatment? Does he/she want to play (perhaps with other children)?
• Familiarity with surroundings
  Show the child his/her room, toilet, bathroom, the place where they will sleep, where he/she will eat and play. Explain to the child the rules of their stay (for example, what time you eat dinner and what time you all go to bed). Tell him/her about the area where the child finds himself/herself (about the city, village, other specifics of the area that the child should know).
• Support
  Tell the child that if he/she wants to talk, you are ready to listen. Ask the child which topics he/she likes to talk about and which they do not. Ask him/her what he/she likes to do (for example, drawing, crafting, dancing, singing, building Lego, etc.). Tell the child that if he/she needs something, he/she can ask you.

The following is not recommended while talking to a child:

• Inquiring about any hostilities the child may have seen, how he/she felt when sirens, explosions and gunshots were heard.
  
• Asking the child about his/her relatives who died or remained in the area of hostilities.
• Violating the child's personal boundaries. Be sure to ask if you can hold their hand or hug them before doing so.
• Displaying insincere emotions. You are also a person with your own inner turmoil and if you are not in the mood, you should not «fake» a smile just for the child. Children feel the insincerity of adults, which can negatively affect your relationship.
• Discussing traumatic events related to hostilities in the presence of the child.
• Using obscene words in the presence of the child.

Important! Asking a child about traumatic events can lead to negative emotions or distress. It is better for the child to talk about it when he/she is ready.

War brings loss, uncertainty, fear and anxiety to children's lives. Here are some recommendations on how to have a conversation about the war with a child.

• Information according to age
  Children from the youngest age have the right to know what is happening in their country. Provide information according to the age of the child. Speak to children in a language they understand, through fairy tales and stories where, for example, the cossacks fought against evil, defended their land («Kotygoroshko», «Magic stories about the cossacks», etc.). During the conversation, keep watching the child's reactions and remain sensitive to his/her level of anxiety. Remember that children perceive emotional signals from adults, so while talking to a child, try to control your emotions. Recall that many people are working hard, not only in Ukraine but around the world, to end the war.
  
• Media hygiene of the child
  Take care of the child's media hygiene and media literacy during the war. Be attentive to what information children receive, listen to their conversations, analyse their questions. It is important to ascertain where the child learned information from and that, if it is inaccurate or untrue, you correct it. You can start with the following questions: «This is an interesting idea. Tell me why you think so?»; «It is important for me to hear your opinion about this…»; «Where do you think we can get more information about this?». Teach your child to think critically, and about how and why fake news can spread. It is good when a child asks questions, forms hypotheses, looks for reasons — it means he/she thinks. It is important to guide the child and learn to check the information found in different sources. Remind your child that he/she can talk to you whenever he/she wants.
• Restrict the flow of news
  Consider turning off the news for preschool or primary school-age children. News content is traumatic for them right now – it can increase anxiety and fear. With secondary school-age children and teenagers, you can transform news-watching into an opportunity to discuss what is happening in the country and in your community, in particular using the aforementioned pieces of advice. Also, think about how and what you say about the situation to other adults, especially when the child can hear or be present during the conversation. In the evening, instead of watching the news with children, try to do some relaxation exercises with them, play games, watch cartoons or read fairy tales together.
• Concentrate on the helpers 
  It is important for children to know that people help each other. For example, tell them about the work of volunteers who provide support to anyone who needs it, or about what the Territorial Defence Forces do. If a preschooler or child of primary school-age wants to support those who help by drawing a picture, a poster or writing a poem — support him/her in this. Teenagers may want to take part in humanitarian work or other activities. Tell them how to do it, and remember that your teen's safety comes first. The feeling that we are all doing something to bring the victory closer provides a sense of unity and brings calm and psychological comfort.
• Pay attention to the child's condition
  Despite the fact that news about military events surrounds us everywhere, it is very important to be interested in news from the child's own life. Continue to observe his/her condition, asking from time to time: «How are you?»; «How are you feeling?»; «What's new with you?»; «Do you have any questions you would like to discuss?»
• Take care of yourself 
  Limit your online presence and reading of the news as much as possible. Do things that help you to relax and recover. Children will understand the reaction of adults to the news, so if you can cope with the situation it helps children. 

During the war, people are forced to leave their homes and go into the unknown to find a safe place. Both adults and children must adapt to new conditions. This process can include the following stages:

• Arranging the household 
  At this stage, it is important to organise household activities, ensure basic needs and get one’s bearings (where things are, whether there is hot water, where each family member will sleep, where to eat, whether there is cookware, etc.). Initially, adults will pay attention to this, without clearly understanding that the change (or movement) has already happened.
  
•  Comparing differences 
  «It is not like at home.» At this stage, there may be irritation, dismay, fatigue, apathy. When you start comparing the differences, you realise where you are — not at home.
• Feelings of uncertainty
  A person may feel helplessness and confusion in situations of uncertainty. Questions may include «what to do next», «where to find schools and kindergartens», «what to do about work», «how to continue medical treatment» and so on.
• Planning
  At this stage, there are plans for short-term and long-term actions. This is because you now know the area (where the shop is, what is needed to visit a doctor, where children will study, how you will work, etc.) and your current experience proves that you are safe (there are no or almost no threats) — this is primary adaptation.
• Assimilation (integration) of experience
  At this stage, children will begin to process their traumatic experience associated with hostilities or parting with loved ones.
• Acceptance
  At this stage, there are two processes: the first is to live through the events connected with the war, and the second is to accept the changes that have taken place, and to adapt to new conditions and find resources.

First of all, the emotional state of a child depends on the emotional state of the inner circle and it is important to remember this. When a child asks you, «When will I come back home?», «When will I see my daddy?» or «When will I see my friends?» and so on, it is normal not to know the answer to these questions. Do not give children promises and information that you are not sure about.

How to support a preschool child:

• Explain to the child why you are here now: «There are no sirens/loud noises, it is quiet here.»
  
• Explain why their father/mother/other significant adult is not with you.
• To help the child cope with sadness, suggest that he/she draws a picture of his/her feelings.
• If possible, give the child a chance to see other relatives: show photos/videos or communicate via video call.
• Offer the child to play a game he/she played with a loved one.
• If the child misses a toy left at home, try to find another one. Ask the child what this might be.
• If the child is sad and crying for home, give him/her an opportunity to grieve for a while and cry. Say, «I understand you and why you're sad, I'm sad too,» or suggest, «You can draw a sad smiley and tell me what that smiley would like to do to make him feel good, or what can calm him down.» Then help your child stabilise by engaging him/her in a familiar or favourite activity.
• If a child cries for a long time and is stuck in this state, it is important to switch to a simple action and encourage the child to talk about the reasons for his/her crying. For example: «Let me be a kangaroo mother and you can jump into a blanket pocket and stay there to cry, and when you are ready to calm down, you will jump out of this pocket.» It is necessary to create a safe place where the child can hide, cry, remember the house, father or other relatives. If the child's condition does not change within three weeks, it is extremely important to seek the help of a professional psychologist.
• Try to follow the routine of the day and rituals that were common at home: morning procedures, walks, bedtime stories, sleep, etc.
• Give your child a hug if he/she wants one.

How to support a child of primary school-age:

• Explain to the child why you are here now: «It is safe here now, there are no sirens/loud noises, it is quiet here.»
  
• Explain the rules to the child: «When the war is going on, there are men and women who defend the state, so they have to stay at home. At the same time, when fighting is going on, it is important for children to go to a safe place. You can go back home only when the war is over.» Stress that Ukraine and the world are doing everything possible to end the war.
• Children can play war games with other children — this is normal and their way of living through these events. Expressing aggression during games is a typical way of dealing with traumatic experiences. It is important to watch and teach the child that it is normal to be angry, but there are two rules about expression of anger: (1) you can't direct anger at yourself and; (2) you can't direct anger at others. Children can shout together, throw stones into the water, fight jokingly, but it is important for adults to ensure that children do not harm each other and do not offend others. If a child finds it difficult to cope with aggression and he/she directs it at himself/herself and/or others, it is important to seek the professional help of a psychologist.
• Suggest that the child writes a letter/postcard or draws a picture for relatives who are not around. Help to make a story about the events he/she has experienced (do it together with the child, helping him/her to make a story).
• If possible, give the child a chance to see other relatives: show photos/videos or communicate via video call.
• If feasible, encourage your child to communicate with peers.
• Limit reading and discussion of the news in the presence of the child.
• Assure your child that he/she is not guilty for what happened, as children tend to take the blame, so it is important to explain that this is not the case.
• If the child is sad and crying for home, give him/her an opportunity to grieve for a while and cry, saying: «I understand you and why you're sad, I'm sad too.» Then help your child stabilise by engaging him/her in a familiar or favourite activity.
• Try to follow the routine of the day and rituals that were common at home: morning procedures, walks, time for studying, bedtime stories, sleep, etc.
• If you followed the recommendations, but you are still worried about the child's condition, it is important to seek the professional help of a psychologist.
• Give your child a hug if he/she wants one.

How to support a teenager:

• Explain to the child why you are here now: «It is safe here now, there is no fighting, you can return to normal here and think about how to proceed.»
  
• Discuss together what happened. Pay special attention to the importance of keeping children safe. Stress that Ukraine and the world are doing everything possible to end the war.
• Establish a time for news and discuss with children what you hear or see if they are watching.
• Facilitate your teen's communication with peers via video and offline.
• Create a space for conversations where the child can talk to you, share concerns and ask questions. Listen to his/her opinion, do not criticise his/her statements, do not devalue the questions and together find answers to them.
• Reproduce home traditions and rituals or create new ones: walking or having tea together, reading together or watching a movie.
• Support the teenager when he/she shares his/her feelings or may cry, do not try to stop him/her immediately. Avoid statements like «don't cry, hold on,» «don't think about it now» or «stop talking about it», etc.), and ask what kind of support the child needs
• Offer the teenager the chance to take part in a psychological support group for teenagers (you can read more about such groups and how to join them here: https://poruch.me/).
• Give your child a hug if he/she wants one.

The war in Ukraine has fundamentally disrupted children’s sense of safety and led to stress, the psychological consequences of which can threaten the healthy future for both adults and children. Traumatic experiences may cause the development of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

What is PTSD
‍PTSD is an extreme reaction to a severe, life-threatening stressor. The rate of PTSD at this moment of the emergency is low. PTSD usually starts manifesting itself about six months after the traumatic event. However, if the stressor has a strong long-term effect (for example, living under occupation, constant shelling and air-raid sirens, etc.), the probability of rapid development of PTSD increases.
‍
‍Who is most vulnerable to PTSD
‍Why do some people who face a situation connected with the negative effects of severe stress end up suffering from PTSD, while others do not? There are three groups of factors, the combination of which leads to PTSD:

• intensity of the traumatic event, its duration, unexpectedness and uncontrollability;
  
• power of the protective mechanisms of the individual and the availability of social support;
• personal risk factors: age at the moment of traumatic events, the presence of traumatic events and mental disorders in previous periods of life.

The most vulnerable people are those under the age of 22 or over 30. Regarding gender, researchers note that 8 per cent of men and 20 per cent of women have developed PTSD after traumatic events. Children and adolescents are also at risk for developing PTSD.

At the same time, everyone affected by the war has his/her own experience and reactions, which is absolutely normal in response to an abnormal situation.

It is important to remember that the psyche of adults and especially children and adolescents has huge potential for recovery and self-regulation. Thanks to the support of relatives and, if necessary, psychological support from specialists, a person can recover from a traumatic experience. For more details read below.

Manifestations of PTSD
‍In order not to prematurely frighten yourself with various negative consequences of traumatic events, it is necessary to understand what determines the presence of PTSD in humans. It is important to note that the manifestations of PTSD may persist for a long time. 

The main features that determine PTSD in adults include:

• an influx of obsessive memories of life-threatening situations the person has lived through;
  
• traumatic dreams with nightmare scenes of the experienced events, sleep disorders;
• aspiration to avoid emotional stress;
• uncertainty because of fear and, as a consequence, postponing decision making, uncooperativeness with others;
• excessive fatigue, irritability, depression, headaches, inability to focus on something, etc.
• as a consequence of all the above — a tendency to antisocial behaviour (alcoholism, narcotics, excessive cynicism).

Manifestations of PTSD in children

• constant flashbacks to the experienced events (obsessive memories that the child may not share with adults), still avoiding anything that reminds the child of the past;
  
• emotional stress, manifestations of aggression or vice versa – apathy, depression, emotional alienation;
• sleep disorders, nightmares that cause a child to wake up at night, preschool and primary school-age children may cry at night;
• increase of anxiety level, expectation of recurrence of events;
• constant replay of the experience in a game (for children of preschool and primary school age);
• self-destructive behaviour (particularly in adolescents: self-harm, alcoholism, narcotics).
• impairment of memory, attention, ability to learn;

Phases of PTSD

• Despair — acute anxiety without a clear understanding of the importance of what happened.
  
• Denial — insomnia, amnesia, numbness, somatic symptoms.
• Obsession — explosive reactions, mood swings, chronic hyperexcitability with sleep disorders.
• Processing — understanding the reasons for trauma and grief.
• Completion — new plans for the future.

What reduces the risk of PTSD and fosters healing
‍In order to reduce the risk of PTSD and foster healing, it is necessary to:
‍
For adults:

• psychologically stabilise yourself following the steps described below. Only when we are emotionally stable can we support children. At the same time, it is important to remember that parents have a right to emotions. It is important to explain to the children why you react this way, but you should stress that it will become easier over time and your family will handle it;
  
• adjust the routine of the day and bring back, if possible, part of the regular activities
• enlist the support of loved ones — establish communication with important people, if it gives you support and makes you positive;
• engage in physical activity (do physical exercises or at least walk in the fresh air);
• limit watching news and sort the information you receive: choose only reliable channels that do not publish bloodshed and other extremely negative content;
• get involved in helping others, as volunteering provides a huge resource;
• seek help from a psychologist/psychotherapist who will teach you to master techniques to emotionally stabilise yourself and your loved ones and prevent or stop the development of PTSD.

For children:

• provide (restore) a sense of safety;
  
• involve the child in physical activity (physical training, dancing, regular walks in the fresh air, etc.);
• restore the daily routine as much as possible (schooling, if available; performing certain tasks; physical activity; timely sleep, etc.), which gives children a sense of security, resources and the hope of returning to a normal, peaceful life;
• give the child a sense of unity and support (primarily from parents or caregivers); the child should know that close people are nearby and they love him/her; safe physical contact will also be important here — hugs with close adults, holding hands, etc.;
• listen to the child when he/she wants to talk, give answers to their questions;
• allow the child to express his/her emotions and feelings (you cannot say «don’t mention it» or «forget about it» — on the contrary, it is important to give them the opportunity to speak out and display emotions as much as possible);
• explain to the child what happened: true information, age-appropriate words, understanding of the situation in general and the reasons for what happened are important and help to heal;
• involve the child in social activities: communication with peers, age-appropriate volunteering in the community, etc.;
• direct the child's aggression and form a healthy behavioural framework: despite the fact that the child may find it difficult to cope with emotions, he/she must understand that offending others, weaker people or animals, is unacceptable;
• provide the child with access to professional psychological/psychotherapeutic support: specialists will advise the child and adults on how to deal with emotions, how to learn relaxation, how to control negative memories, which will help prevent or stop the development of PTSD.

So, it is important not to neglect mental health and, if you find signs that may indicate post-traumatic stress disorder in yourself, your children or loved ones, immediately seek the help of specialists — psychologists and psychotherapists – to avoid serious consequences after the experienced events.